Friday, November 4, 2011

Why Don't You Blog More Often? (or Perspective, Part 2)

Not too long ago a friend of mine asked me, "Why don't you blog more often?  You say you like doing it and people enjoy reading why don't you get on there and write more"? 

 First of all, I really do enjoy writing in this blog.  It's sort of emotionally liberating to write down whatever is on my let it go and release my thoughts into the cyber world.  This blog helps me organize and "flesh out" the random and crazy thoughts that bump around in my head: things like how I love my children equally but differently and how we as people have so much in common if we'd just take the time to look.  I love this blog because it gives me a way to share my stories with people and remind myself of important times in my past.  This blog is a journal and a diary and a letter to anyone who wants to read it.  It is a place for me to reminisce, inform, remind, inspire, and brag and I really do enjoy being here.  So...back to the question then, "why don't I write in my blog more often"?  The sad truth is, I just don't have the time.

I tried writing in the blog about a week ago when I had some free time and I ended up deleting the entire thing because it was just one big pity party and I didn't feel good about what I'd written.  It was about poor poor me...I'm so busy that I don't even have time to sit at the computer and write down a few paragraphs.  Before I posted about my tragically ladened life, I went back over my old blog posts and finally I got to the one that started it all: the one about perspective.  Geez, that was a bit of a slap in the face!  Here I am feeling sorry for myself because my life is so full and active.   Let's put it all into perspective:  my calendar is overflowing with activities and events that I've chosen to be a part of.  Now, granted, some of the things that I do are not by choice but out of necessity such as doctor's appointments and therapies for John.  But even things like taking the boys back and forth to sports or cub scouts are not burdens, I really enjoy seeing my kids participate it these activities.  I love seeing them grow in their skills and friendships.  I volunteer in their classes and at their school because I WANT to.  I want to see what their doing in class and help the teacher.  I want my children to be able to enjoy things like a school variety show and play and if that means I have to help make it happen...then so be it!  I chose to be a stay home mom for this I could be a big part of my boy's formative school years.  I want to be a presence in their lives while they still want me to be present.  So, if that means taking them to sports and cub scouts and volunteering to file paperwork in the back of their classroom for an hour, if it means making sure John sees the right doctor's at the right time, if it means heading the committee for the school performance and carving out time to go to a student of the month assembly or a reflections reception then I need to remember that this is an honor and a privilege and a CHOICE that I made when Eric and I decided to have children and when I decided to forgo working to be a full time mom.

Other things on my calendar include bible study, dinner's, lunches, mani/pedi's with friends, and visiting with my grandma.  I love going to bible study every week.  The love and acceptance and fellowship from these remarkable women is something I crave in my life.  Dinner's and lunches with friends...seriously, how can I complain about spending time with good friends?  It may take time and effort to clean the house or organize and prepare a meal but it is all time well spent.  It may take time out of my day to go meet at a restaurant but if I'm going to complain about that then...geez...I don't deserve the friends I have!  And having someone massage my feet and paint my nails while I visit with a good in the world can I complain about that?!?  Visiting with my grandma is something I do out of love, respect and a strong family bond. She's always been there for me and now it's my turn to return the favor and be there for her.  My grandma is 87 years old, she lives about 60 miles away from me but I make it a point to see her at least once a week.  She is frail and tired and craves company.  She has a full-time caregiver but she just lights up when her family comes in the room.  Even when things are busy and hectic I go visit Nanny because, you know what, it all boils down to perspective again.  The dirty dishes in my sink aren't going to care if they sit there a few more hours but Nanny will care if I said I was going to come see her and then cancel because "I'm too busy".  The laundry can wait another day or two but a day or two to Nanny may seem like a lifetime.  

So, that's why I don't blog more often.  I have a full, active, crazy life that keeps me going all the time.  I have a wonderful family that needs my attention, love and support every day of the week.  

I will continue to write and blog as I can because I really enjoy it but I refuse to feel guilty because I don't blog on a regular basis.  This blog is just one of many things in my life that makes me happy and complete!

Oh, and did I mention that I signed up for a tennis class?!?  :-)